Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
