"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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