I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
