I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
