i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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