it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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