We won't sleep together?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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