I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
