hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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