Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
