why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
