I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
