Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
