sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
