Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
