I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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