if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
