people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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