Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
