my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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