I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
