She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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