If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
