I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
