You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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