my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
