is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
