And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize