I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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