Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
