would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
did i walk over a car last night?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
