Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
We smell like vodka and hangover
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