I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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