moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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