Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
3 2 1 whiskey
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
