I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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