First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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