the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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