I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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