Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize