you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
