So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
