Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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