I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
