I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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