At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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