i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
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When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
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Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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