it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
