shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
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Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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