i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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