Got a toothbrush?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
