I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
