You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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