hell yes lets make some ravioli
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
