the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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