At least make sure they are 18
Why
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
