I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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