he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
