I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
