i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
