I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
