my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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