Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
