My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
