You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Randomize
