First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
