Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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