When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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