We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
