and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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