conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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