I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
